Wedding Stress: Who’s wedding is this anyway?

As I sit here and read the WeddingWire forums this morning with my coffee, I notice a few posts about overbearing parents on the B&G’s wedding planning. As a wedding vendor, I’ve seen this very often.

As a parent myself, I can sympathise with the parents’ desire to want to help their children make the best decision for their special day. It’s a big investment of time, money, and commitment. Parents who have been married have the experience that their kids don’t and want to make sure that they don’t miss out on opportunity. That’s very admirable. But just as parents remember from their child’s teenage years, the kiddos grow up quickly and start becoming their own person and making decisions for themselves. Sometimes, hard lessons are learned from and sometimes not. Either way, they live and they learn.

Now it’s time to plan their wedding and you want to help. You as the parent have ideas and experiences of what YOU feel a wedding should be. You also know that the world around you is changing. Traditions change. Society changes. And you’re still, YOU.

Offering advice to a bride and groom for their wedding is a touchy subject with most. This is their day and they want to make it all about them. Their wedding is all about 2 hearts coming together as one and the reception is all about their friends and family sharing in that beautiful wedded bliss. So, how do you help your children plan their wedding? How do you keep them from making mistakes and forgetting something? It’s easier than you think.

You remember when you were a newly engaged couple. Your wedding was a year away and you were overwhelmed with planning this affair. Where should it be? What decorations should you use? What kind of cake should you get? Should you wear your mother’s dress that she wore in the 1930s or should you get something that is more fitting to your style? Should you use the family friend who DJs on the side or the 12 piece Brian Setzer tribute band? I’ve got news for you, they are going through the same thing. You also remember the tremendous pressure that your parents put on you by wanting to invite everyone they knew and brushing your guests aside so their boss’s nephew could attend. Don’t make the same mistake.

Your kids have grown up. They know what they like and what they don’t. If you want to help them, ASK them what they want for their special day and help them get it. Your wealth of knowledge can help them this way without being obtrusive. Help by making phone calls and offering to drive them to appointments. Help them by mailing out invitations or getting lists of vendors to choose from. But always remember, ultimately, they have to be happy with the decisions they’ve made.

It’s their wedding. It’s all about them…