Aaron DeMarestGetting married made me a better wedding vendor.
Weddings are exciting times for many couples. They can also prove to be very stressful during the planning process. That’s where having a great wedding vendor comes in to play.
I’ve been married once before and I’m about to get married again in just 3 weeks and the Mrs and I are VERY excited to start this new chapter in our lives. We were both married before, have kids, and have plenty of experience between the both of us with weddings. Angela was a pastry chef specializing in wedding cakes and I have had an amazing 28 year career as a wedding dj. But even with our “industry insider” knowledge, we were still just a bride and a groom planning their wedding. Of course, there are some nuggets we gained over the years to help us plan out our wedding. And we of course have our past experiences from our previous marriages to go on. The great part of getting married a second time is that you learn really quickly what your priorities are and get to plan the wedding you always wanted.
My first wedding was 21 people at a country club in Watertown. We didn’t have a formal photographer and our DJ was thrown in with the venue as a package deal. (Not my first choice but, it was a compromise I made to keep the peace) Our DJ was terrible, unprofessional and un prepared. So much in fact that I walked to my car to give her my book of CDs I was using for my own weddings at the time for her to use. Our invitations were designed on the computer and printed at staples. Dinner was a buffet with staples like pasta, salad, and roast beef. There were grocery store flowers on the tables and standard table cloths. The wedding turned out this way because my then wife insisted she didn’t want a big celebration because in her previous marriage, money was no object and she had a big wedding. Also, her dad paid for the wedding which meant all of his colleagues, friends, etc were invited leaving her and her ex husband with just a few close friends.
My fiance’s first wedding was also a lavish affair with lots of detail and a couple hundred people in attendance. They had a DJ, Videographer, Photographer, 4 course meal, a massive cake, and many guests that they did not know that were invited by her parents because, you guessed it… they paid for the wedding. As a result, some family feuds took place and created some tension. Never a fun ordeal to deal with when you’re planning the happiest day of your life.
Fast forward to our wedding. We are paying for our own wedding. Which means we get to make choices that are important to us. Choosing the right wedding vendors was important. We both know that it is very easy to rack up a massive bill with all of the trimmings but as we both learned, the majority of guests remember the venue, cuisine and of course the DJ the most after a wedding. We talked about just eloping. We talked about a private ceremony in the middle of a field with just a few family and friends. But at the end of the day, we both agreed on a Christmas themed wedding. Why Christmas? It’s usually the holiday where everyone gets together. A family reunion so to speak.
Our guest list was 120 people which by our estimation left about 20 people who might not be able to make it. We were right! We’ve got just under 100 guests attending our wedding. Choosing a guest list was not hard at all. We learned from our previous weddings to invite only the people that are near and dear to us and be selective with colleagues and acquaintances. This not only lightened the bill but ensured that everyone in attendance were the people that we really wanted to be there.
The first step was finding a venue. We thought about renting a space and having it catered. But then, we’d need to clean up after. When you’re wearing a fitted dress and tux for 12 hours on your wedding day, the last thing you want to do is roll up your sleeves and clean. We decided on a traditional venue. Grand Oak Villa was calling our name. We had visited several other venues which were nice but they really had everything we were looking for.
When it came to the food, we both understood that all of our 100 guests don’t all like the same thing and some had dietary restrictions. To alleviate the stress of trying to appease everyone, we elected to do hot hors devours and food stations for dinner. We have a wide variety of options for everyone to enjoy and they can have as much or as little as they would like. Plus, for the venue, it’s a lot easier to serve a tray of food as opposed to plating 100 three course meals. This allows their staff to be more relaxed and have an easier day. Happy staff equals happy guests!
I had been asked probably a hundred times in the last year and a half of planning, “Are you DJing your own wedding?” I’m happy to announce, I took the day off and leaving the music to the professionals. But how does a DJ choose one of his peers to host their wedding? The same way any couple would. By making sure they are a good fit. We happily chose Todd from Jock in the Box entertainment. Todd has been a DJ just as long as I have and has the experience and diversity to keep a captive audience across all genres and walks of life. As an added bonus, we both have a knack for the 90’s and Y2K so seeing as how the Mrs and I are 43 & 45, it just made sense to have Todd. Another feature we love about Todd is that he puts his personality into his weddings. Todd is a very outgoing, positive, and energetic DJ. Being a daytime wedding, having the right DJ for the job is even more important because regardless of the time of day, they can execute the vibe you’re shooting for. Sidenote, we told Todd that even though he’s working that day, to please sit and enjoy a meal, have a beverage, and if possible, come on out and dance with us. His job is so very important that I wanted to give him every opportunity to feel his absolute best and have FUN! Because a happy DJ equals a happy dance floor.
When it came to a photographer, we chose a tried and true photographer. My good friend and sidekick Corey will be shooting our wedding. Corey is a professional wedding photographer and 2nd shooter for Fritz Photography. His eye for detail, fun personality, and willingness to think outside the box were just a few of the reasons we love Corey. Much like Todd, we encouraged Corey to relax and enjoy the day.
For a cake, we chose Sweet Marias. My fiance used to work for Maria as a cake decorator and with her extensive experience working along side her, we knew that she’d make a cake for us that was not only beautiful, but absolutely delicious as well. We went to her bakery in Waterbury for a tasting and tried all of the flavors. And there were so many to choose from. We decided on a simple yet flavorful cake. This way, no crumb would go wasted.
Our justice of the peace is Eva-Torres Luciano. Eva is a bilingual JP that is very passionate about her job. She took the time to really get to know us and is creating a custom short ceremony for us that we can’t wait to see!
And now that you’ve met our wedding team, you can see why we chose the people we did. They had all of the qualities we were looking for and they felt that we had similar qualities that they like to work with. Now more than ever before, I am a firm believer of finding people who are a good fit for your special day. They all know that they are working with a peer (which also can cause anxiety) but they also know that we want them to not only work our wedding, but to be a part of it with the creative freedom to really let their talents shine. When you pick your dream team, your event will be everything you want it to be and more.
We invested in what we felt was most important, and as a result, we need or want for nothing. Every single one of our vendors made us feel very comfortable and took the stress out of planning our wedding. They reminded us about meetings, tastings, payments, and more which helped us keep on track and ease a lot of the stress for us during our planning. We are truly grateful that we did things this way and can’t wait for the big day! I learned more about how to make my meetings more fun and helpful to my couples. I learned more about the importance of follow up and being choosier in who I work with to ensure we’re a good fit. And lastly, I learned to relax and let the process happen naturally. We’ve got 5 hours to celebrate. Instead of counting the moments, we’re going to make the moments count!
Are you creating a wedding playlist?
You’ve got the venue, the dress, photographer, and guest list on lock and ready to go! It’s time to talk about the soundtrack to your celebration. Weddings in CT are typically a 5-6 hour affair from wedding ceremony to the last dance. So how many songs per hour should you consider listing? Most songs are on average 3 and a half minutes in length. Over a 6 hour ceremony and reception, back to back, that’s about 107 songs.
So which ones should you choose? Our rule of thumb is, give us 10-20 of your absolute must haves for your wedding. This still leaves over 80 songs left. But generally, we’ll play between 2-300 songs throughout the festivities. How do we bend the space/time continuum? By seamlessly mixing and blending songs together. We can do this because we are constantly reading the audience, how they are reacting to what we are doing, and switching things up depending on the vibe we’re getting.
This is why pre-stacked wedding playlists are generally a no-no for events such as weddings. Wedding DJs know that weddings are a melting pot of people of all different age ranges and walks of life. One person’s Elvis is another person’s Drake and so on. Now I know what you’re probably thinking… The most commonly shared story that we hear about past experiences is that the DJ they experienced was playing a lot of non-danceable music. This could happen for one of a variety of reasons.
The DJ may have had explicit instructions not to derive from his client’s wedding playlist and it may have contained a lot of music that his clients enjoyed but not too many floor fillers. Or, maybe the DJ wasn’t a good fit for his client and wasn’t as compatible with the audience then they should have been. Either way, these situations can be removed from the equation by working with a quality wedding DJ that is attentive and knowledgeable.
Another tricky bit about music at weddings is that there are occasions where the timeline might be running a tad behind. And in those cases, with a pre-stacked wedding playlist, you’d have to be able to add songs on the fly that would extend the time and or create a event where it speeds things up and gets the day back on track. You have much more flexibility when you book your wedding dj. And finally, when you send your wedding dj a playlist to play with no possibility of deriving from it, you now take the reigns on the success of your wedding reception.
Your DJ is there to guide you and assist you and your guests to experience the best celebration they’ve ever attended.
Should I hire a Wedding Planner?
That all depends. One thing is for sure, all of your wedding vendors want nothing more than for you to be able to sit back, relax, and enjoy your wedding. But what if all of your planning fell by the wayside and you were running behind schedule. What if you miss your sunset pictures, or what if you can’t find your dad for the father daughter dance? These are all very common things that can happen at weddings. Some are in our control and some are not. But none the less, wedding professionals have a lot of practice when it comes to the flow of a wedding and the know how to get things back on track.
So should you hire a wedding planner? Yes. BUT, with conditions.
So how do you choose a wedding planner? Most venues come with a day of coordinator of sorts or banquet captain that is well versed in hosting an event. But by adding the right planner makes all the difference in the world. Have 25 centerpieces to place? How about 250 wedding favors for guests? Maybe that basket of flip flops needs to be put out. You get the picture. Having a planner for the big wedding day can be a lifesaver. You already have so much on your mind. Let your wedding planner take some of that burden off of your shoulders so you can relax because they do the thinking for you.
You should ESPECIALLY hire a wedding planner if you are hosting a wedding in a non-wedding venue location. Planners have endless resources at their fingertips to ensure you can have all of the luxuries of being at a wedding venue while under a tent in the backyard or a farm. They’re exceptional at finding every last detail and making sure that not only you and your guests are well cared for, but your vendors as well.
From a scheduling standpoint, they are a must have for most weddings. They’re the point of contact between vendors and are able to orchestrate things like meal plans to formalities, and everything in between. Just like a wedding DJ, they are a keeper of the keys for your wedding timeline.
Side note: When choosing a wedding planner, just like any other vendor, make sure they are a good fit. Not only from a purely financial standpoint, but for personality, reassurance, attention to detail, and last but certainly not least, experience with your wedding venue and vendor team.
We’ve seen planners go above and beyond for all parties involved and we’ve seen planners that panic at the first sign of a challenge. But solid wedding planners will take their “can do” attitude and leave no stone unturned when it comes to making sure that your wedding is exactly what you expect or even better.
For those who don’t know me: A guide to giving wedding toasts
For those who don’t know me, I’m Aaron and I am a wedding dj in CT. For the last 28 years, I’ve hosted over 2000 weddings. For the most part, no two weddings are the same but one thing that takes place at nearly every wedding I host is a wedding toast to the happy couple. I’ve seen some really great wedding toasts, quite a few hilarious toasts, some rather uncomfortable toasts, and everything in between. And with nearly every toast spoken, they start out with, “For those who don’t know me.” So, what are you supposed to say? How do you write the perfect toast?
First things first. Remember why you are there. Your friend or family member chose you to offer a toast on their wedding day because they love you. You have been their rock and their person. Perhaps you have shared many wonderful memories together or have gone through some challenges together. Either way, you are a very important person to them. It’s an honor to be asked to toast a couple on their wedding day.
Second, the couple’s wedding day is a celebration of them. Always keep that in mind. This is an opportunity to show gratitude for your person and the couple. To be their cheerleader and support system aiding them in a successful and happy marriage.
Last but not least, remember that weddings are a melting pot of people. There may be grandparents, parents, extended family, bosses, fellow parishioners or clergy from their church. Try to keep it PG13 if possible. Your toast is a direct reflection of representation of how you and others see your friend or family member. Keep it light and fun if possible. Recall a funny moment you shared together to bring a bit of levity, and honor your friend with dignity.
